TeleVision from Hell

I was going to skip over the various cable network cancellations, until I noticed that several rather good programs are no longer going to be with us.  Still, I will just stick to the highlights here.  And no, I don’t care about any show on Bravo or E! that got pulled.

• In Plain Sight (USA) – I LOVE Mary McCormack, but it was probably time for this one to go.  Good show, just time.
• The Closer (TNT) – Another good show with a great cast that leaves on its own terms and probably right on time.
• HawthoRNe (TNT) - I only got a glimpse of this after watching something else I actually cared about.
• Memphis Beat (TNT) - Gone too soon.  This simple little cop show had a lot of charm and should have been given more of a chance to really catch on.
• Men of a Certain Age (TNT) - Another show I feel slightly guilty for rarely watching.  It was pretty good really, just not my sort of thing.
• Eureka (SyFy) – This is a good one, but not better than anything else that SpiFy has cancelled over the last several seasons in favor of more reality show crap.
• United States of Tara (SHO) – Didn’t care for it.  Showtime has much better stuff to watch.
• Skins (MTV) – Almost nothing on Music?WhatMusic? TeleVision ever gets my attention anymore.  But this one made some waves once upon a time.
• The Protector (Lifetime) – I might have even watched this if I had any clue that it was on.  Ally Walker has a certain appeal.  Sorry Ally …
• Roseanne’s Nuts (Lifetime) – And then we’ve got this, your polar opposite of anything resembling a show with any appeal whatever.  Combining Roseanne Barr and a reality show actually was greenlit by someone … it boggles the mind.  No wonder I never tune in to Lifetime.  It would make more sense to give another talk show to Rosie O’Donell …
• The Rosie Show (OWN) – This was actually on TV? No way!
• Bored to Death (HBO) – I tried watching this.  Just not that hard.
• Eastbound & Down (HBO) –  Hit and miss at best.  When it missed … wow, did it miss.
• Entourage (HBO) – Should have been cancelled about two season ago.
• Luck (HBO) – Ran out of luck when too many horses kept dying.
• How to Make It in America, Hung, & The Life & Times of Tim (HBO) – HBO, it seems, is cleaning house.
• Rescue Me (FX) – This is one of those shows I should have watched more often.  Definitely worth catching up on DVD or Netflix.
• Make It or Break It, The Nine Lives of Chloe King, & State of Georgia (ABC Family) – Were all of these as completely interchangeable as they sound?  Never watched a single minute of any of them.  Maybe that isn’t completely fair to say.  I may have starting watching Chloe if it had lasted more than a season.  As for the other two … I’m being completely fair.
• Glen Beck (Fox News) – Buh-bye.

It’s that time again when we learn the fate of television shows, both loved and reviled, and some not even on our radar. The following is a list of those no longer with us … accompanied by an appropriate eulogy when needed.

A few random observations:

1. I’m heartened by the almost routine failure of a wide range of reality and game shows, most of which seem to get unceremoniously dumped.  For example, this little bit of good news from NBC (May 13): ‘Not making the cut on the reality front are “Escape Routes,” “Fear Factor,” “The Sing-Off,” “”Minute to Win It,” “The Marriage Ref,” “Who’s Still Standing?,” “It’s Worth What?” and “Who Do You Think You Are?”‘  Most of that list was just too unremarkable to bother metioning below.  I suspect there are still more than these that failed to make this list.
2. Only the CW beat out CBS with the fewest cancellations.  I’m not sure the CW should really count because I don’t think they’re still trying, but it is interesting that the two nets answer (to some extent anyway) to the same overlords.
3. Other than The New Girl, I can’t think of any new show on Fox that made the cut this year.
4. So called ‘period pieces’ just don’t seem to be working on network TV any more.
5. Special Programming Note: Rules of Engagement is again floating out there as “on the bubble”.  This is becoming the latest variation of the “sitcom that just own’t die”, a title previously held by Scrubs until it actually did, finally, die.

ABC

• Desperate Housewives – I love Terri Hatcher but I quit watching this years ago … right around the time it probably should have been canceled all along.
• Charlie’s Angels – Farrah Fawcett was much too old to make this thing work. What? No Farrah? Well screw that!
• Combat Hospital – Uh … what?  Wait … I have a very vague memory of this being on very briefly.
• Cougar Town – Not quite dead since it is getting moved to TBS.  Any chance of getting that name change with the change of venue?
• Expedition Impossible – Nothing warms my heart like a cancelled reality/game show.
• Extreme Makeover: Home Edition – Another case in point (see Expedition above).  My only regret is that they killed this off before they got to my house.
• GCB – I heard there was some kind of big controversy around this thing. Really? Why the hell would anyone care? Hey, I kind of like that little blonde gal with the huge … um … voice. But this show was not my cup of tea … or anyone else’s either. I’m still not sure what it was about. They let Kristin sing, right?
• Karaoke Battle USA – C’mon … now you’re not even trying!  This concept was so pathetic it was barely a blip on anyone’s radar.
• Man Up! – Man Down! Man Down! (How can I avoid an obvious joke like that, right?)
• Missing – Missing In Action. (Another obvious joke). I really wanted this to work. It didn’t. Kind of a poor man’s ‘24′ with more estrogen.
• Pan Am – Crashed and burned! (Ah yes … the hits just keep coming!) Mad Men on AMC may be a critic’s darling, but it’s hardly a ratings success for all that. This was just one of many lame attempts to cash in with a similar period piece.
• The River – This illustrates a major difficulty for network TV … trying to get viewers to invest in “big mystery” dramas. We’ve just been burned too often.
• Take the Money and Run – When you get the idea for your reality show from a tune someone probably sang on Karaoke Battle USA, you can’t be surprised when it sucks.  I’m just happily surprised no one watched this.
• Work It – Huh? What the hell was this? I’m not even going to bother looking it up.

CBS

• CSI: Miami – Here is a fatality with almost no mystery to it all … much like any CSI:M plot ever written. This show will live on in syndication and no one will ever be able to hear certain songs by the Who again without seeing Horatio in his sun glasses.
• How to be a Gentleman – AKA “How to get Cancelled in Four Episodes or Less.”
• NYC 22 – Kind of like Rookie Blue with a lot less blue. By ‘blue’ I mean eye-candy. It’s like Grey’s Anatomy without Katherine Heigl. What? Katherine’s not on Grey’s Anatomy anymore? Well, glad I quit watching that crap.
• A Gifted Man – Never really bothered to watch this and yet, I kind of feel guilty about that now. But I also feel like I kind of saw the same show only with a lawyer or an ex-cop.
• Rob – Ah. Perhaps proof that there really is a God.
• Unforgettable – This is one of few shows on the Dead and Gone list that simply shouldn’t be here. A better lead-in or a better time slot and this really could have worked. A police procedural with a little more to offer … like a smoking hot red-headed Poppy Montgomery. It that ain’t ‘must see TV’ I really don’t know what is. All kidding aside. Good show and I’m sad to see it go.

CW

• H8R – Did this crap even make it on the air? God, I hope not.
• One Tree Hill – Did this crap even make it on the … what? Really? It’s been on that long? Wow. Glad I missed it.
• Remodeled – Removed.
• Ringer – Dead ringer.
• The Secret Circle – No secret at all … just not that good. A poor attempt to suck in the Vampire Diaries and Supernatural crowd. Probably could have done well on ABC Family.

FOX

Jaime Pressly

• Alcatraz – Real potential here, but I’m afraid the viewing public is far too reluctant to take a chance on any show of this sort when you know it is almost certain to be cancelled about the time you really get invested.
• Allen Gregory – I’m a big fan of Family Guy, but this was just too … uncomfortable. Oh … and just not very funny.
• Breaking In – Resurrected but only briefly. Sort of an odd duck, but one I sort of enjoyed. This time it’s gone for good.
• The Finder – This had a lot going for it, including a very charismatic cast and an unusual premise. It worked. But evidently not for Fox who never really got behind it and shoved it into a Friday time-slot where no one was going to bother finding it.
• House – Had a great run on Fox and going out at just the right time.  I’ve watched a few, but I’ve never been a huge fan.  At least when it was on, Fox didn’t jamming another extra episode of American Idol in the time slot.
• I Hate My Teenage Daughter –  Didn’t hate it.  In fact, I kind of liked it.  But mostly for Jaime Pressly.  Any thing that keeps Ms. Pressly on my television set is okay by me.  Nope.  Didn’t hate it at all.  But could be I was saving all my hate for …
• Napoleon Dynamite  - Oh my lord this was completely unbearable.  In fact, I’m surprised I can type right now without swearing.
• Terra Nova – Fox took a huge chance on this and I really, really wanted it to work. Maybe it was a case of trying to please too many masters and it certainly couldn’t have been cheap to produce. Still, with a bigger investment in the effects and some tighter writing … *sigh* … we’ll never know what could have been.
• In the Flow with Affion Crockett and Q’Viva: The Chosen:  Wow.  I’ve got absolutely nothing to say since I had no idea either of this shows ever existed.

NBC

• Are You There, Chelsea? – Nope. Chelsea doesn’t live here anymore. Who’s asking? Oh, right … nobody.
• Awake – I should have known (and actually, I wasn’t fooled at all) that this was going to go away too soon and leave me hanging. Again. And the networks continue to wonder why these kind of shows never seem to work anymore.
• Best Friends Forever – A cliche does not a TV series make.
• Bent – I heard good things about this one. It came and went before I could find it on the cable listings.
• Chuck – Honestly, this show lasted at least two seasons longer than I ever thought it would. It’s one of those I only occasionally bothered watching, but I will certainly do the full run via Netflix or something soon.
• The Firm – A flop. No way this was ever going to make it. Bad idea. Bad show. Just bad.
• Friends with Benefits – Add it to the list of generic, interchangeable sitcoms that flashed rather briefly across our televisions this season.
• Love Bits – Case in point.
• Free Agents – And again, ditto.  I think maybe I watched this. Once.
• Harry’s Law – Another lawyer show with Kathy Bates in the title role. I love lawyer shows usually. I’m just not that fond of Ms. Bates.
• The Playboy Club – On HBO or Showtime, this might have actually worked. Not even the totally to be expected cries of ‘boycott’ and ‘lock up your kids’ could save this one.  Need more T&A.  A lot more.
• Prime Suspect – Unlike Kathy Bates, I simply love Maria Bello. But when this was shelved in favor of The Firm (unbelievable), I knew it was done. There are simply too many cop shows around and little chance for new ones to connect with an audience. Would been better served as a mid-season or summer replacement.

You may have noticed the new eye-candy near the top of the page.  We’ve implemented a new feature on the site … imaginatively titled Hotter Than Hell.  This is a feature we’ll continuously update, usually accompanied with a post similar to this one proclaiming “Now Appearing in the Photo Gallery … Bianca Kajlich!”

Click away, enjoy, more to come soon.

Make a note.  It’s not all about Zoey.  Okay, so Jess (aka Zoey Deschanel) is the ‘girl’ in the title.  It’s still a mistake to assume that this means it’s ‘her’ show.  This past season, the show’s first, has proven that Jess is just a part of a much greater and funnier whole.  We may have gone into this season thinking this was a Zoey-centric character piece, but we’ve clearly been proven wrong.

This is an ensemble show with each character quite capable of holding their own.  In fact, a strong case could be made that Schmidt, as portrayed by Max Greenfield, is every bit Jess’s equal, or even her better, when bringing the quirky … and the funny.  He is a breakout character.

If there is one fault with the show, it would be that the cast is almost too good.  Sometimes it feels like an ensemble in search of a compelling story.  That’s one way you know how good this group is … when you’re done watching a particularly funny episode and you have to remind yourself what the hell it was about.

You find joy in the way these people relate to each other and the love and humor of that relationship.

So, for those out there who may have grown a bit tired of Zoey and her shtick, I suggest you’re wasting your time focusing on one piece of a much bigger picture.

Fox has renewed New Girl for next season and a fully expect that this show is going nowhere but up.

James, Kristen, & Dreama

Hey, I’m not overly found of the bitch myself, but that’s why God gave me a remote control.  I’ve watched this one a couple of times now and it just doesn’t work so well for me.  I’m not upset that they push the limits of taste and seem to be going out of their way to keep the censors on their toes.  It’s not that at all.  It’s not the recreational drug use either or the under-age drinking.  It’s the general lack of funny and the over-dependence on the shock factor.  The two main characters are intended to be a modern era Odd Couple.  One is the quintessential ‘good girl’ from the sticks and the other, naturally, has to be the jaded ‘bad girl’, aka the bitch.  Dreama Walker (blonde and wholesome) plays the goody-goody and Kristen Ritter has the meatier role of the B—- in question.  The dynamic between the two roommates is the only appeal this show has.  The support characters, including James Van Der Beek stretching his acting chops by playing himself (I’m really not being sarcastic), are one-dimensional and paper-thin.

Bottom line here … Don’t Trust the B—- makes me nostalgic for 2 Broke Girls.  That can’t be a good thing.

As for our old friend the Parents Television Council, it’s hardly a surprise that the B—- has the PTC folks up in arms.  Their usual bitching, however, is more strident that usual:

The program is a sexist mixed-bag of hedonism, drug-use, alcohol abuse (including the main character plying a 13-year old boy with alcohol to get him drunk) and explicit levels of promiscuity that are shocking even by today’s broadcast TV standards.

Please take action now by contacting the show’s sponsors [Company A, Company B, Company C] and holding them responsible for paying ABC to beam the offensive content on Don’t Trust the B—- into every home in America.

The series represents a continuing and disturbing trend of using offensive, profane language in the very title of the program, where it is nearly impossible for families to avoid.

But beyond the offensive and inherently misogynistic title, the repugnant content of this program should raise the concern of every parent in America — and it should convince every responsible corporate advertiser in America to avoid associating its name with this series.

I’m not sure about the ‘trend of using offensive, profane language in the very title of the program’ –a couple of ‘bleeped’ program names does not make a trend–but I can’t really fault the overall description.  It’s just the usual over reaction that makes me shake my head.  And suppose there actually is such a ‘trend’.  I would think the PTC would be all for it since such titles would make it remarkably easy for your average Bible-belter to figure out this was a show to avoid.

But do we really need to play the ‘boycott’ card again?  How about this instead: Don’t watch and you won’t have to boycott anybody because you won’t ever see the adverts in question and thus will not be tempted by the items/service/product being sold.

Yeah, ABC is responsible for this horror.  And yes, ABC is owned by Disney, the same company that introduced Selena Gomez to the world.  Really, which is the greater evil?  How about you PTC folks boycott the Disney Channel instead?  Now that would be a public service.

The last post to this blog was back in … October … 2011!?  Holy shit!  Did someone die?  Well, I wish I had that good of an excuse, however morbid it may be.  I don’t.

Mostly I’ve been lazy.  A little busy, sure.  But also a lot lazy.  I do this sometimes … start project, attack it enthusiastically for a bit, then forget it.  Thankfully, I’m not raising my kids that way.

I hope.

So yeah … gotta new job.  Started playing World of Warcraft again (God, what a timesink!).  Quite playing WoW but started up with City of Heroes when it went Free-to-Play.

Watched way, way too much TV.  Go pretty disgusted by it all.  Reality shows make my eyes bleed.

Bought a new car … after the teenager wrecked the old one (she’s fine … no worries).  Bought another one … after the teenager (still just fine, thanks for asking) got into another wreck.  Not her fault.   But jeez … really?

Read a few books … some quite good, others not so much.

Man cannot live by television alone … though no one will blame you if you try.  At least I won’t.  Maybe your cat will.  Cat’s are pretty judgemental.

Also got cable!  Finally ditched the dish in favor of the “giant cable conglomerate which shall remain unnamed”.  No it ain’t Time Warner or Cox.  I feel like such a whore.  Only it’s me paying for it so that doesn’t make any damn sense at all.  I am experiencing an overwhelming sense of shame … and the accusatory way the cat keeps glaring at me it’s starting to get on my nerves.

Any way … enough idol chitchat.  Let’s get back to the business of bitching ’bout some telebishun, ‘kay?

The Parents Television Council is not too happy with Glee lately.  As someone who has been watching Glee from the beginning, I have to wonder  … What took so long?  Beneath all that singing and dancing is a whole lot of offensive … and some of it is the singing and dancing.  For the most part, the offensive bits appeal to me a lot more than all that singing and dancing.

So the PTC should hate this show.  They should despise it.  They need to be organizing boycotts and refusing to send their own kids to school on the off chance someone breaks into song.

But here’s a note to you PTC clowns.  Don’t call me a pedophile.  I wasn’t a pedophile when I thought Britney Spears was smoking hot in that school uniform in her “Hit Me Baby One More Time” video.  I’m not a pedophile now if I admire a photo layout in GQ featuring a couple of scantily clad actors from Glee.

You people need to quit throwing around terms like “pedophilia” so damn lightly.  That just tells me the PTC has no damn clue what it really means or how serious it really is.  A picture of Lea Michelle in a bra doesn’t make anyone a pedophile!

Damn.  Being a borderline Gleek is bad enough without this shit.

I’m a little surprised but happy to report that ABC has ordered more scripts for No Ordinary Family. No full season order yet, but at least this suggests there is hope. Look for full review of NOF later this week.